Christmas Catch up

Merry Christmas Everyone!

It has been such a long time since I've posted and the reason for that is I had no idea how difficult juggling studying and full time work can be when a depressing labour market forces you to take a Brummie based job and move back in with your family who have no understanding of why you might possibly appreciate some alone time in which to squeeze in a few hours of studying so as to pursue a life long dream of a career that you've already invested most of your life in rather than once again watching a Hollyoaks-Emmerdale-Coronation Street-Eastenders marathon "as a family". It's a right blog blocker. Although for anyone out there that cares, I think Janine did it. Oh and I'm also "Team Andre" in the Jordan v Peter saga, wanted Joe to win X-factor and "Team Jacob/Werewolf" in the Edward v Jacob debate. Just so you know... (*shoot me! PLEASE!*)

It's not all been mindless distraction though. Since my last post I've been marshalling, mooting, studying, had 2 teaching weekends, arranged 2 mini-pupillages, started a new job in London, started an accompanying part time job in London, then started a newer job in Birmingham instead. Oh, and I got my loan!!! So I can now actually pay my course fees and get to sleep at night :)

BVC-wise, things are going pretty well I think. I'm noticing that despite my interest in Criminal Law and my lack of enthusiasm for Civil, I'm finding Civil pretty easy but Crime more of a struggle. In Advocacy, I'm getting good feedback but in all honesty I just don't feel that satisfied with myself, whereas in Conference I think I'm doing well but then the feedback doesn't live up to how I felt at the time. I was pretty nervous about Conference to begin with, but actually, my tutor is brilliant and I think if anyone is going to help me figure out how not to be too slow talking about the irrelevant things it will be him.

Opinion Writing is still the best taught subject, and so clear and, at the moment at least, no trouble at all, which is good because I have an assessed Opinion to hand in next session. Legal Research becomes more of a nightmare as time goes by. I thought, foolishly, that it would be fine, instead I handed in an 80 page UNFINISHED mess as my Mock Assessment and genuinely can't wait till the next session to be put out of my misery and find out where on earth I went wrong. Generally I'm pretty pleased with how things are going, it isn't all smooth sailing obviously, but all the same, I am finding it much much easier than university. Which is strange considering the amount of work there is, but doesn't surprise me because I'm much more dedicated to this than I was to my degree.

Oh, and my classmates are still fantastic people, and nothing like the idiots I went to university with. I feel really lucky. The only thing is that there is one absolutely crazy cat lady who is a shakespearean tragedy all to herself. She doesn't do the work, and then disrupts the class and interrupts to ask the tutor why she doesn't understand what he is talking about, or whether or not she read about such and such a case that was in the newspaper last year. I noticed that she had become a bit of a pariah (it's not hard to imagine why) and attempted to make nice and got my head bitten off and last session, she stormed out of a classroom mid lesson. It kills me to think that she might somehow land a pupillage. The pupillage system seems so random, it could actually happen, and if she did, I think I might have to stick pins in my eyes to block out the pain.

Will try to post again soon, but not only do i have the family time/soap opera gauntlet to run daily, I also got Rumpole and Kavannagh QC DVD box sets for Christmas. Which is for Advocacy studying purposes of course...

October teaching weekend.

I had my first proper teaching weekend this weekend, and I have to say I'm feeling positive. There are a lot of things to complain about I guess, but on the whole I'm pretty happy. My classmates and I have bonded really well, I was expecting cut-throat competition and point scoring all the time, but so far none of that. We're all pretty supportive of each other and generally just enjoy each other's company.

Legal Research takes up so much time it is untrue! Already I loathe MS Word and its' inability to consistently help me with the formatting of my research record. Sometimes it plays along and that "auto format" thingy works brilliantly, and then it will just stop doing it and I have to try and figure out what it was that it was doing automatically. I'm useless with computers at the best of times, and when you've been working on something for hours and it suddenly decides to change your font, the temptation to throw the damn thing out of the window nearly gets the better of me. The actual process of researching the problems and writing it up is not so bad though, I quite like it, although I wish there was a way of fast-forwarding the slow bits.

Advocacy went really well. I was quite nervous about getting up for the first time, but actually it was pretty fun. I think the key at this stage is probably confidence. Especially getting up in front of my classmates, instead of imagining them being critical of the negatives, I tried to imagine them being impressed by the bits I did well, and it really helped. It meant that I didn't care about them watching, I was just focusing on the job in hand. I really liked the way that the class was structured, and the advice the tutor gave was individual to the person, and dealt with their biggest issue, whatever that was. The best bit though in terms of a confidence boost, was that I got a "Very Competent" for my first go :) very competent and very proud.

Civil remains dull as dishwater in my eyes. The class prep took so long I could feel myself ageing as I worked my through the CPR. I want to get over my dislike of the subject, I want to keep an open mind about which area of law I want to practice in, but the reality is that it just seems so boring in comparison to crime!

Criminal obviously, was better. There was loads of reading for that as well though. I made the mistake of preparing for Civ and Crim last of all, which was not a good idea. This time around I'm going to do them first, because you just cannot rush it if you want to remember any of it. The questions we had to prepare for the class helped though because I was able to focus my reading, but there is very little guidance on whether for the exam we need to know EVERYTHING or just the topics we discuss in the class. Oh and does anyone know if the MCT questions handed out in the SGS are reflective of the questions in the exam in the sense of the level of difficulty that is?? Because they seemed quite straightforward, but I keep hearing horror stories about the exam... and of course, there are no "past papers" we can look at until the mock exam.

Written Skills was taught really well. It was the first time that we didn't seem to rush through the content at break neck speed, instead we were actually being taught an approach to opinion writing and good methods to prepare and plan.

We haven't had Conference yet, which is one that I'm a bit uncertain about. It will hopefully go well, but unlike advocacy, I've never seen a Barrister actually doing the skill, so I find it difficult to visualise myself doing it. But hey ho, for now I've got looking for a job to continue worrying about!

Summer round up

In the interests of anonymity I've been trying where possible to not blog about mini pupillages etc at the time that I've actually been doing them. However it is probably now safe to blog away about some of the more positive experiences I've had over the summer (You'll be aware that employment wise, things didn't go so well).


Marshalling was brilliant, particularly as I'd been out of legal thinking mode for a while, it was refreshing to be applying my brain to the facts of the case, and discussing them with the judge when we were in chambers. The best point really was that there were some interesting points of law raised during the trail, whether Prosecution counsel had to tender a witness whose evidence wasn't entirely favourable to his case, bad character applications, and ultimately whether the crown had presented sufficient evidence on which a jury could convict at half time. The judge really involved me in his thought process, asking me my opinion, directing me to relevant sections in Archbold etc so I could read what he had read and see what conclusion I reached and discussing it.

Plus, sitting on the bench next to him was something else entirely! Obviously there's the fact that it gave me a different perspective on the court, a different angle from which to observe counsel etc. but ultimately it was FUN. At one point a witness accidentally called me "Your Honour" which made me blush, and internally giggle like a school girl. HA!

All in all, I quite enjoyed it :)

I also did another Criminal mini pupillage for 2 days. This time I was shadowing the prosecution and it gave me a completely different perspective again on the workings of a trial. Not only did I get to talk with counsel, I also got a chance to chat with the Officer of the Case, and got a real appreciation for the amount of work that can go into bringing a case to trial. The case in particular was a pretty big deal, and a LOT of work had gone into preparing it. Its one of those things that is obvious and you more or less know but until I actually spoke to the team behind the scenes I had no real appreciation of the work being put in to secure a conviction.

Previously I've not been able to picture myself prosecuting, there seemed to me to be something a bit sinister to be working for a conviction, given the impact that can have on a defendant's life, particularly having done a lot of research into the difficulty of resettlement and reintegration when a prisoner is released from custody. However, now I can appreciate that both sides are just as important as each other for the law to be upheld, and its probably a good thing I've finally realised that because its not like I'll get a choice in practice!


So despite being screwed over in two jobs this summer, its not all been bad. Yes, I am unemployed again, yes I am back in Brummie land with my parents, no, I have no idea how I'm going to pay my BVC fees without a job and yes, I am laying awake all night worrying. BUT at least I'm finally studying the BVC and I've had some good experiences over the summer that make my CV sparkle a little brighter than it did in the Spring.

Day 1 of BVC

... was brilliant :)

All of the other PT students that I got chatting to seemed down to earth, nice friendly decent people. All of them are working as well and all of them had personalities. Not a Law Zombie in sight. Given that my experience of other law students at university was quite a negative one, this was such a relief and I'm over the moon about how nice everybody was. A few people seemed absolutely insane, commuting in for the course from the far reaches of the globe (!), and given that so many of them have families and children as well as a full time job to juggle, I don't feel nearly so hard done by with my unclear employment situation.

The course itself is exciting me no end. The only bit today that seemed a bit dreary was Civil Lit which doesn't surprise me, I'm a Crime girl at the end of the day. But even that was exciting in the sense that everything is relevant, it is all about how you actually go about being a Barrister rather than the academic studying of the law itself. It almost made me giggle a bit at one point from sheer excitement. It just seems so surreal that all of a sudden, I've started the BVC. At one point at uni I never thought I'd make it, and with all of the bad luck I've been having with work and housing, I haven't had time to worry and be nervous about it beginning, I just kind of turned up to register and there I was, in the lecture theatre starting the course!

Adults Only

I have a vague memory of being a child, possibly in some sort of tacky tourist shop whilst on holiday, and at the back of the store there was an "Adults Only" section, partitioned off from the rest of the store, that naturally made me and every other child that ever saw it desperately curious. What I have recently discovered is that within that Adults Only section of life lies misery, stress, and exploitation. I wish I'd never crossed over.

My job has, to some extent fallen through. I can still work for them, provided I'm willing to be exploited at a wage that is £10K p.a. less than I was originally offered and realistically not enough to live on (let alone pay extortionate BVC fees from). Unhelpfully, people keep pointing out to me that there is a recession, high levels of unemployment, blah blah blah. They shut up when I mention that none of the men that do the same job that I do have had their pay cut. Oh, and I'm still homeless as the wage they have offered me is too low for me to commit to the rent that I had initially been lined up to pay. And what do my parents say? "Welcome to the Adult World".

BVC starts on Thursday, completely and utterly not ready for this stage of my life to begin, and yet it is happening anyway. I don't like this Adult thing... is there a reverse gear?

Back on Track

Things appear to have worked themselves out. I had a momentary lapse of discipline and direction following my redundancy, but managed to snap out of it long enough to bag myself a new job :)

A better paid job :)

A more Pupillage-Friendly job :) :)

Best of all, I am genuinely helping people. I am working with customers who have been made redundant and have been unemployed for at least 6 months, giving them advice and guidance to help with their search for work and signing them up for free training to make them more employable. The most amazing thing is the feeling I get when I see I've genuinely helped them, and the advice that I've given them will make it easier for them to find work.

It is absolutely brilliant experience working so closely with members of the public, and every time I have a difficult customer I feel like thanking the stars for the chance to learn how to cope and provide them with meaningful support, because no matter how difficult it might be sometimes, advising a client about entering a guilty plea or whether or not to pursue custody of children during a Divorce Settlement is going to be much harder.

Waiting to hear if I've managed to secure some funding for the BVC from my provider, I'm not holding my breath but still, all my fingers and toes are crossed.

The only issue that I have now (and its actually quite a big one) is that technically I am homeless. I had to leave London after I lost my job and go back to Brum to be with the family. I had only been there a few days when I was offered my job, and in the haste to get back down here and start as soon as possible I've had to come back before finding anywhere to live. I've also lost confidence slightly in the security of a job having experienced the difficulty of losing one, and am reluctant to actually take out a tenancy on a flat until I have at least some idea of whether the job is secure. At the moment I'm completely rushed off my feet, so it seems to be fine, but I'm still being cautious for a few more weeks. So I am "sofa-surfing", moving from friend to friend and extremely appreciative of the fact that I have friends willing to put me up. Its only in a situation like this that you realise how many people there are that will support you when you need them.

CLG v The Company (2009)

Last week I was called back into the office. Even though I had been told that I wouldn't have to work my notice, the MD changed her mind and told me I had to come in, seeing as how they were paying me anyway. In response, I kicked up a bit of a fuss in my official redundancy meeting on Friday, and am now back at home, being paid for a month even though my notice period is only a week, with quite a few extras, and flowers and chocolates to boot. While I wouldn't recommend redundancy to anyone, if its going to happen, this has got to be the way to do it!

In other news, this morning I got a phone call inviting me to an interview for a job that ticks all the right boxes (pays enough, pupillage friendly, saves the world) so I'm now just swotting up on everything I can about the organisation and the job in preparation and allowing myself to hope that somehow I'm going to manage to find a new job before the money runs out.

I Will Survive

I am not beaten. I am forcing myself to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the money worries and the feeling of rejection and general "Why ME?" sentiments that are so casually floating around my mind. Instead I am acting the part of a strong willed power dressing women who is literally drenched in employability, and as a method actor, using this persona when completing job applications and during those painful days when for some reason or another I have to go into the office.

The newest dilemma however is weighing up my options. There are plenty of jobs that I could do that I have seen advertised. But not so many that will help me get pupillage. Will the fact that we are in a RECESSION be borne in mind when the next OLPAS season rolls around? Possibly not. But if I hang on too long looking for the right kind of job, well, I may be homeless, penniless and wondering the streets of London like some poor orphan in Oliver!, except without the dancing and singing and general merriment that the film promised me as a child. Also, I have actually seen a few that fit into both categories i.e. Yes I can do them and Yes they are Pupillage Friendly. However, No I couldn't pay the rent if that is all they pay. Aaaargh.

On another note, I am now an official student member of Middle Temple Inn. That's one successful application at least.

Completely Redundant

I didn't jump ship early enough. On Wednesday I was made redundant. Currently spiralling into the depths of despair while I try and figure out how exactly I am going to keep a roof over my head for the foreseeable future.

Damn. I'm going to have to send Lovely Boy down the coal mines or up a chimney or something.

Jumping Ship

I've been wondering recently whether the company I work for/job I do is really the right place for me to be. In terms of the "how does this job benefit your legal career?" question, while the answer isn't as obvious as it would be working as a paralegal, I've always known what I would need to say (Understanding of both public and private sector, understanding of client groups, commercial acumen blah blah blah...) But the reality is, I don't think that I am actually gaining or learning anything. In a rival company that is better established, this would probably have been a different story, but I'm with a start-up company made up of a team of "experts" who from what I can tell don't understand anything about organisation and management. They are all ideas people who simply haven't bothered to implement any structure into the company, and talk constantly about how successful they are going to be without doing anything to get them there. When I applied for the job I was given the impression that there would be opportunities for career progression and training and that they invested in their staff. Total bull, I've been with them for 9 months now and there is nothing. I've not had any training, and when I mentioned wanting the opportunity to develop, it was shot down. To top it all, I'm not that sure I'm any good at the job anyway, although without any guidance or feedback (despite constant requests for this) I have no way of knowing. This is all made worse by the sheer unprofessionalism of the senior team.

As people, they are lovely, and I'm glad to have met them and very happy to socialise with them, but at work I am sick of the political vying for control, the whispering, the mood swings and worst of all, the fact that the MD "restructures" every few weeks so line managers change, and responsibility for this that and the other switches hands suddenly without warning, merely based on her mood. I think in PR terms this would be known as "flexible working" but in my terms I'd say it was a pile of crap. Up until recently, I've at least managed to avoid the political games, but recently it looks like someone has dragged me in without telling me, and now I have to find out who's playing on my team and who is against me!

So, with this in mind I've been thinking about finding a new job. But I've also got to find somewhere new to live as my flatmates and I will be parting ways soon, so I was planning on sorting that first. But in the past week or so, The Company was told that it had not been successful in a bid for the Daddy of All Contracts, and so now the office is a battleground between the MD and the Shareholders who are in all likelihood planning to pull our funding. Meaning I need to find a job QUICK and jump ship before it sinks.

All this = STRESS!!!! But on a plus side, I have found a job that I would very much like to be doing instead, so I can at least channel all of this worry and desperation into writing the best application for a job the world has ever seen and pray it all works out for the best.

Pre-BVC jitters

I'm starting to get a bit nervous about the whole juggling full time work and part time BVC studies thing. Work has suddenly got wickedly busy over the past few weeks, and I can't see any sign of it slowing down. The funny thing about that is that a few weeks ago I seemed to have absolutely nothing to do and was pretty miserable due to the lack of purpose in my working existence. Now all of a sudden I'm working none stop. Last week I was in the office till 10.30 3 nights in a row, and so I was meant to be taking yesterday off, to have a lovely long bank holiday weekend. However, my work load had other plans, and instead of having an extra day off, I will be spending the whole weekend working on a document that needs to be submitted on Tuesday. Grrr.

I am a workaholic, always have been, but I'm getting very jittery about this situation. My mind is so clear about how hard I intend to work for the BVC, how hard I will need to work to get by in fact, and I'm worried I wont have the time to do it all. I don't think it is the amount of work that is worrying me too much, or even the amount of time it will all take up. I am only able to cope with a task if it requires a feat of epic proportions to get it done. Easy stuff, like packing a bag the night before I go away somewhere rather than 10 minutes before my train leaves, that stuff I can't do. But I've been pretty confident (till now) that I would be able to handle the BVC and my job, no matter how much work I have on. The reason I'm panicking though is that there is something I didn't factor in. Other people.

I am a control freak and a half. I am seriously bossy, and plan for things to go wrong way in advance, so that if they do, there is already a plan B (and C and D) in place. Figuring out my workload, and managing my time next year should in theory come naturally to me. Plus there's the fact that I've been juggling stupid amounts of work with jobs and rehearsals and partying since I was 16, and frankly, when I don't have too much to do, I fall apart a little. BUT there is the small matter of my work colleagues. They are wonderful people, and apparently they're experts in the industry and worth every penny of their inflated salaries. However, they openly acknowledge that forward planning is not their strong suit. Instead, they seem to float along hoping that everything will get done on time, which is code for put in loads and loads of hours of work at the very last moments before a deadline. Half of the time they leave me to manage myself, which works well allowing me to pace myself and ensure everything is ready on time without having to work late, but then they will spring something on me, that is far more important than whatever it is I'm currently working on , that they've been sitting on for a while and due in tomorrow. (Or Tuesday in this case). I don't mind that so much (even though I was sooo looking forwards to a nice relaxing bank holiday) and to be fair, it sounds like life as a Barrister isn't all that different, but I just don't know how I'm going to cope with it when I have studying to do!

Still, it will be something to bore my children with one day when they complain about their pocket money and I tell them to GET A JOB like I had to. Wow, I'm turning into my mother... also, is it healthy to be planning stories to bully my children with at least 10 years in advance of me actually having any?? Fun times!

Lizzie Saves the World

Whatever your opinion on the sorry state that MPs have got themselves into recently, whether you think MPs should be paid more or should be locked up for stealing the taxpayers money to clean moats and change light bulbs, I think it is pretty clear that Parliament, Government and politicians across the board are not very popular people at the moment. On the tube this morning, a thought occurred to me, and I just know there will be plenty of people out there on the blawgosphere that will be able to explain to me that this particular thought is unrealistic and ill-informed and generally a stupid idea, but I've been mulling it over in my head, and out loud in the office it has to be said, and if nothing else, I think it would be an awesome thing to see happen, even if the consequences might be a bit drastic....

As loathe as I am to admit it, I can't help thinking that David Cameron is right, and that without calling a general election asap public confidence in the political classes will never be restored. But its also pretty clear that Gordon Brown would be an absolute idiot to call an election right now. Even if he has any illusions about a return to favour for Labour in the next 12 months, he can't possibly believe he has a chance right now. So, this morning's dilemma was whether it was right that "we the people" are unable to throw our dummies out of the pram, sack the lot of them and try and start again with a fresh election. Surely, IF public opinion was so low that we did not want to be led by this group of people, the fact that we are led by them and can't do anything about it until they say so is totally against the spirit of democracy?

This led me onto my exciting train of thought which Lovely Boy told me to share with the world. So if you object to it, you can verbally abuse him rather than me ok?!........

What if the Queen, fed up with the lot of them and in recognition of the will of her people to not be led by this parliament, were to pop over to Westminster Palace, knock on the door so she isn't breaking any rules, glide into the House of Commons and just pick up the Mace, walk out again and announce a General Election at the earliest opportunity? In public law, our lecturer constantly stressed to us that the Queen does still have Sovereign status, and that basically this was because everybody is far too polite and non-confrontational to take it away from her. But in my mind, I've always chosen to see her role as an insurance policy against corruption and fascism, and Parliament are an insurance policy against absolutism and guardians of democracy because if she did anything untoward, they have the status of elected representatives of the people, and she shouldn't mess with that if she wants to keep her pretty crowns, dresses and face on our money. However, if the situation were so bad that it was clear the public did not want to be led by this parliament, wouldn't that therefore mean it is her right, if not her duty, to dissolve them and call for a fresh election?

Hundreds of arguments for and against, I know, but still, is this even technically possible? I can't help thinking that if it isn't, what system do we have in place that would force an election, if the majority party leader wont call one? I'm not suggesting that the current situation is anywhere near this serious, but I do very much like the idea of Her Majesty, tiny old lady that she is, giving them all a good telling off and sacking them for the good of the country. Monarchy doesn't really suit my personal left wing view of the world, but if you're going to have a Monarch, then you may as well do it properly, and see them flex their political muscles once in a while. Something to tell the Grand kids about at least, and considering her Great Great Grandmother was an Empress, surely she must have a bit of a yearning to do something impressive before she's done?

23 is a difficult number to swallow, unless washed down with a drink.

I've been away from the blog for a while and alcohol has been the cause... While everyone else has been doing battle and waging war against the pupillage portal, I have been making the most of my first Spring in about 11 years without the dread of looming exams, and unable to apply for pupillage until next year, safe in the knowledge that there is nothing else I could be doing but drinking and sitting in the sunshine.

First I was dragged northwards to Blackpool for a chav-tastic weekend away to celebrate my mother's continued commitment to grow old disgracefully. With Osteoporosis to boot, she partied the weekend away with an army of her favourite lesbians, and not one to be out done by an old lady, I was forced to match her drink for drink and dance for dance.

A week later, my own birthday. Age is a sensitive subject for the whole world it would seem, and I am aware that panicking about 23 might seem a bit much to those people that took it in their stride and are instead dealing with much much scarier numbers, however, indulge me. I thought I was prepared, I thought I was ready and had accepted it. In fact, I had been telling people I was 23 since February. But when it happened, it turned out that I was not in fact ready to leave 22 behind, and instead I would rather the whole concept of age, numbers and mathematics no longer existed. I was so upset I kicked a post box, as a symbol of the capitalist regime that has forced the concept of age into my life. It hurt my foot and Lovely Boy carried me home.

I did at least manage to squeeze every last drop of birthday celebratory possibilities into the ensuing week, with binge drinking in both Birmingham and London, 3 birthday cakes on separate days, smoking for the very first time and almost causing a riot on the night bus home. The rioting and the smoking was caused by my (very) vocal realisation that 23 is really old and I will probably die soon. Apparently the 29 year old man I had struck up this topic of conversation with was not entirely impressed by my existential dilemma.

After this level of liver damage, I probably should have stopped, but I continued along the theme and went drinking with my line manager. The biggest mistake to date, I finally admitted defeat the next day when I couldn't get the tube for fear of vomiting on somebodies nicely polished work shoes. I have since refrained from excessive alcohol consumption, and am aiming to do so for quite some time.

I haven't completely abandoned the legal aspirations in favour of drink. I still managed to make it to the Student Open Day at Matrix chambers, which was very useful, informative and changed my mind a lot about what a career at the bar should look like. I really liked their non-specialised approach, and the corporate feel of the place fitted well with everything drummed into me at the office about brand and identity. One of the most useful parts of the day surrounded what they were looking for in pupillage applications, but given that the OLPAS deadline has now gone, I will save that post for another day when it wont cause distress to those that have already pressed submit and are now checking their progress for updates every ten minutes. I should say though that I took notes fully intending to post them asap but got waylaid by work/Lovely boy/beautiful weather and completely forgot that the deadline was so soon. I'm really sorry :( But I hope everybody is faring well and holding their nerve.

The one thing about the day at Matrix that really sent a message home to me though? The fact that I knew one of the Barristers who were tasked with "mingling"(is that how you spell that word?) from the pub. Oh dear...

Fancy a Quickie?

I've been away for a while. It's not my fault, I had a birthday and much drinking ensued. I then had a bit of a 1/4 life crisis at the realisation that I am gaining age (and weight) and have been on a bit of an exercise drive (walking). Lovely Boy is home for good, and well, his loveliness is highly distracting! I am ashamed to admit that I have allowed a boy to distract me from my own self-indulgent blogging...

However, by quickly tapping down this love note to you all, I promise to blog again before tomorrow morning (so once I've left the office, arrived home and instructed Lovely Boy to prepare a meal for me).

I didn't completely desert, I've been reading everybody else's posts during my lunch break almost every day! So, quickie time over, I'll be back for a long and passionate embrace in a few hours.

Networking

I have done some soul searching recently and realised that I have been holding myself back. I've been adamant that I will find a way to pay my own way through bar school, support myself completely and not owe my eventual success (positive thinking) to anyone but myself. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that attitude, except that I've been letting this determination get in the way of taking up opportunities that will help me when they present themselves. Where people have offered to help me I've turned them down. A family friend offered to pay my BVC deposit as a Birthday Present and I said no. I drink with a number of Barristers on a weekly basis and I have never once asked them to help me with work experience or CV advice or anything else because it feels a bit like begging.

Part of it has been my not wanting to be hypocritical. I go on and on at length about the advantages placed at the feet of rich kids who know all the right people etc etc, so to use my own networks surely isn't much better than that? But really, I've just been being too proud to ask for help. I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing, not just in the sense that I'm from a poor background, but also because I don't have the nicest mother in the world, and she has always tried to take my achievements away from me and make out that I owe her something because I did well at school. So I have a bit of a fear that if I accept help from somebody, in 10 years time, it will come back to haunt me.

On Friday, I finally saw sense. Barristers are self-employed. You are a "business", and there is nothing wrong in my mind in making use of networks for business opportunities. I do it everyday in my 9-5 job and it is what gives our company an edge over the competition. So I have decided to try and let go of this particular hang up, because the reality is it doesn't make a difference to anyone but myself whether or not I accept the help of others.

Within hours of making this decision, I have been able to arrange a mini-pupillage and a week's marshalling and got some advice about my CV. So from where I'm sitting, not a bad decision. If it is hypocritical, and I'm not sure it really is, at least I've not been paying Oxbridge Law to apply for pupillage for me! That would be hypocritical, and very very sad.

On another note, in my last post I mentioned that I wouldn't be posting for a while as Lovely Boy is staying with me and I wanted to keep the blog a secret... I failed miserably, caving in to him yesterday. He's so stuck on which GDL provider to go with (he has a choice between BPP, CoL and Kaplan), and I've been giving him advice based on what I've read from other blogs, which has confused him because he had no idea where it was all coming from. Plus I just can't keep secrets and was desperate to tell him as soon as I clapped eyes on him! I'm so weak!! If anyone has any advice for me to pass onto him, please drop me a comment. I'm sure he'll start reading this blog now to check up on the horrible things I have to say about him anyway, so he'll definitely get it.

OLPhew!

It has been hard not to notice that there are one or two (thousand) stressed out wannabe Barristers stressing themselves into heavy drinking thanks to the return of the OLPAS season. I am so grateful that this year at least, there is nothing on OLPAS that I can apply for. I had a quick look to check, as the theory is that you can apply for the 2011/12 session as well, but the handful of chambers (by that I mean literally 5) that offer that option are all commercial sets that are just not my scene. So I am spared for one last year before the madness sets in. For those of you going through hell at the moment though, good luck! I hope you get the pupillage of your dreams. This year. So you wont be competing with me next year.

I'm in a play at the moment, which is very exciting. It's been over a year since I was in a play and I'm loving it! It is also keeping me going now that I am back in the office after my mini pupillage. Work is so uninspiring in comparison. But, working hard and earning money will help me to get to the Bar so I've got to keep at it. Eugh.

Lovely Boy is returning to the nest for a few weeks tomorrow. He's been away for some time now, and I'm not sure how long he will be staying. I'm really excited about seeing him, but it does mean that I may have difficulty posting for a while as he will no doubt take up most of my free attention. More importantly, he doesn't know about this blog. I don't want him to know about it either, mainly for anonymity's sake but also because as much as I love him, cherish him and hope live happily ever after with him, it's really refreshing to have something in my life that he knows nothing about. So basically I wont be posting while he is around. Try not to miss me too much... :p

My mini adventure

I've been on a mini-pupillage this week. My first mini-pupillage in fact, and frankly I've had the time of my life. I'm with a Criminal set based in central London, but all week so far I've been following a trial in a London court.

My mini-pupil master is a lovely guy who has included me as much as he could, and I really felt involved with the case, but more importantly he and the counsel for Prosecution both had a lot of time for me once the court day was over. Yesterday the three of us went for a drink and we had a really good time, they passed on horror stories and advice in equal measure and generally made me feel welcome.

I had the added bonus of being a close friend of the Landlord of the pub where his chambers tend to drink, meaning that we already had a common social ground on which to talk about, and I think that this helped me a lot. It made our relationship a bit more friendly, allowed a bit of banter and we had a laugh. That wasn't what I was expecting from the week, but it is definitely not something I'd complain about.

The case that he was working on was a short trial, which meant that I got to see a whole trial from start to finish in the space of 4 days. It was brilliant seeing all the different stages, from examination in chief to cross examination, closing speeches and the jury delivering a verdict. As I was watching the Barristers do their thing, I considered each bit and tried to imagine myself filling their role. Some of the time I thought "Woop woop! I could do that!" particularly the closing speeches, where they both got a bit theatrical it had to be said. At other points though, I couldn't imagine myself being able to do it. When the prosecution counsel was cross examining the defendant, she was clearly trying to get him to lose his temper and show the jury his aggressive character, but even knowing she wanted that to happen, I just thought "I would not be able to cope if I were her and he does lose it!". I spoke to her about it, and she assured me that it is something you get used to, and that as I've thrown men out of pubs before, I'll probably be able to handle myself, but all the same, I was in awe of her.

Best of all though, I was chatting to one of the security guards and he gave me the best compliment ever:
"yeah, I've gotta be honest, you do have that Barrister look about you, I reckon you'll go far."

I LOVE THAT MAN.

To err is human, to wig is divine

To the young Barrister that spoke to me in the court building stairway:
OH! How I wished you would take me in your arms, kiss me tenderly and declare you're undying devotion to me!

It is an unfair circumstance that a wig and gown can make a man so desirable. I knew full well that without them, I wouldn't have looked twice at him. I have very high standards, he would not have made the cut. But instead I was left flustered on my way out of court while he went down to the cells, having winked at me as he walked past.

And why did the words "mini-pupil master" sound so dirty when he said them?? They certainly haven't had that effect when I've been with my mini pupil master. Sigh.

Enter the Matrix

Just in case anyone is interested, Matrix Chambers is having a Student Open Day on 23rd April. To get a place, all you have to do is go onto their website, fill out a form and email it to them before all of the places are filled...

I've already got my place confirmed, and will be writing it on my C.V. pretty soonish :) Maybe see u there...

No colouring in for me...

I got accepted onto the BVC today :D

BPP were down as my first choice, and they've offered me a place on their part time course. I know many of you have your opinions on the merits of each of the schools, but I'm going to go with them. City don't offer as good a part time course and CofL, well, rejected me (on the grounds that I'd put them as my third choice).

So, colouring in or no colouring in, my decision has kind of been made for me; for which I am sooo grateful, as I would have spent weeks agonising over whether my instincts about BPP were wrong. Now I can still agonise over that, but at least I wont have a choice about where I go!

Last week I sat a FRU exam thing, which was an experience... Made even more memorable by the (ugly yet seemingly intelligent) GDL guy that decided the end of the exam was a good time to hit on me... Thankfully I had to get home to the cat.

The exam itself was very odd I thought. I constantly felt like I wasn't giving them what they were asking for, and had no idea how much they expected to be written for each response. It was a bit bizarre being around all those students as well. Not because there was anything wrong with them, but the fact that I found their company quite pleasant. I had been expecting to find them all as annoying as they were at uni, but they weren't. There was even very little bragging about work experience and superiority complex induced conversation. In fact, had the cat not been waiting for me at home in need of feeding, love and attention (which it hadn't received the night before as I didn't go home) I might have even taken up ugly but seemingly intelligent boy's offer of drinks. My boyfriend is currently in another country with his ex-girlfriend (!), and I could do with some jealousy inducing anecdotes to pass onto him. I've been collecting them recently.

I'm also not sure when I'll find out the result (of the exam that is, not the jealousy inducing anecdotes; I don't know when that will be sorted out either though...), but it could go either way. Weirdly, if I haven't passed, I don't think it will bother me. I'll just sit it again and see what happens. There was a girl who announced before the exam that she was resitting and it was the hardest exam she'd ever done in her life, which was oddly reassuring.

In the mean time though, I'm set to vegetate at home as I seem to have come down with the flu. :( I'm desperately hoping my immune system kicks it out asap as I have a tendency to take ages to recover from stuff like this and I have a mini-pupillage next week!

My First Murderer

The company I work for gets money from the DWP and other Government agencies to run programmes to help tackle worklessness in deprived areas. Technically, it's my job as a Bid Writer to win this money for the company, but everybody in the office tends to do a bit of everything that's going on.

Currently we're doing some work with ex offenders. I'm actually visiting a prison later on in the week with a few colleagues (I'm not sure why we need to do this work wise, but I'm looking forwards to it from an academic point of view... See Foucault in action and all that.). Anyway, at uni I was into the whole rehabilitation not just retribution thing, and I absolutely loved the half modules I did on Criminology and treatment of Offenders.

Rehabilitating offenders is crucial to tackling crime rates, as such a high percentage of reported crime is committed by a small number of repeat offenders. The two largest factors affecting recidivism are Housing and Employment. So it is important that employment opportunities are made available to offenders for them to be able to start afresh in a law abiding life.

In Criminology we studied "Labelling Theory" which was another theory that I absolutely loved. The theory argues that by labelling people as "criminals" or "offenders" we cast them out from society, and make it impossible for them to return to the fold. With this label, they then find themselves conforming to the stereotype put upon them, and will consequently continue to behave as "criminals".

So, controversial and politically sensitive as all this is, that kinda sums up my thoughts about this group of people and how we should treat them: Give them a chance to start afresh and don't throw their history in their face at every corner, or they'll never reform.

AND THEN I MET A MURDERER.

I'm interested in the Criminal Bar. I think I'd prefer Family, but have always considered Criminal, even after i got a 2.2 in my Criminal Law exam in first year. So, meeting murderers is pretty much something I'm going to experience one day as a Barrister. (one day...) But I may have freaked out slightly when I realised I'd just shaken the hand and smiled and had a casual conversation with a murderer. All of my thoughts about negative labelling and giving people a chance to start again went out of my head and I just thought OMG is he dangerous?!

Seconds later all my well intentioned thoughts slowly started to pop back into my head. But I'm still slightly perturbed by my initial wide eyed reaction. Fortunately I wasn't told until he had left the office, so he didn't have to see my wide eyed-ness (that's not really a word is it?...).

Will I always react that way? Is it ok, because the other thoughts came back to me after a few seconds? Am I still the good person I thought I was?

How will I handle a prison full to the brim with Criminals?!

But I am glad to have gotten that experience out of the way and under my belt. I may not have been as calm about it as I would have liked, but now I've met my first murderer (that I'm aware of) I can begin the process of becoming immune to the shock/fear/surprise. To be honest, I've probably met loads in the pub.

Lesson Learned

Today I am learning a valuable lesson. 12 hours of whisky does not a clever person make.


Never again.

Competitive Law

My boyfriend, Lovely Boy, has decided that he wants to be a Barrister too. He's applied to do the GDL and he hears whether hes been accepted around about the same time as I'll hear about the BVC (I think).

This worries me. I've noticed that between wanabee lawyers there is a lot of bitchyness and ill will. The success rates are so low and the competition so fierce that this makes sense, and it's just something you have to accept. Everyone tries to put others down, either by making themselves out to be superior, or even by directly criticising and belittling each other. The fact is, we're all really nice people in the pub, but when we meet a competitor, the claws are out and we're always on the look out for a sign as to whether or not we think this person could be a threat to our future happiness. I've found myself on the receiving end once or twice and I've discovered I have my own approach: excessive displays of (patronising) kindness... Sounding as supportive as possible so that I don't show any fear and come across as cool and calm as possible, like I know some secret and have it in the bag. Which I really don't. I don't even have (that much) control over it, I realise I'm doing it but find it impossible to stop. But then, there are far worse than me out there, they don't even try to be nice.

Maybe you disagree and this isn't your experience at all, but think back to how you were judging the Pupillage chasers on the BBC show "Barristers" and then tell me you're a nice supportive person and you want everyone to make it! Or for a prime example of the crazy ass bitchin that sometimes turns up read the comments on one of Android's articles on Law Village, "Join the Queue" back in November. http://www.legalweek.com/Navigation/95/Articles/1178580/Join+the+queue.html

Its clear that we're just not always very nice to each other. Especially that loser. (Solidarity Android, solidarity - and that isn't me being fake patronising kind!)

Anyway, do I really want to risk my relationship with Lovely Boy turning into that? The fact that we're so close could make it worse. I'm not like this with my friends but I'm worried that I might be too competitive to encourage him, and be too jealous to celebrate his successes. This would probably make me a bad person. It definitely would make me an awful girlfriend. Absolutely not marriage material. (sigh). Or maybe he would get cocky, arrogant and think he was better than me. Or worse actually be better than me. He might even turn into a Law Zombie and sell his beautiful and pure soul to the corporate world. It has the potential for disaster and heartbreak. I want to give myself (and him) more credit than that. But I've wanted this for such a long time, I can't guarantee I won't go a little crazy. Plus, when I do have crazy stressed out moments, invariably he's the one on the receiving end.

I've talked this through with him, obviously not in a "you/I can't do this because our 3 year relationship is more important than your future career prospects" way, but more of a "aaarrgh panic" way. We decided that we'll just have to keep each other in check and make sure we keep the demons at bay.

But then I had a thought. It might not be so bad, maybe we could work as a team. Isn't the whole reason there are so many of us blogging away about this rough ride to the Bar because we need a bit of support and advice from each other? Maybe, just maybe, it could be something beautiful and slightly vomit making...

The most problematic thing about this whole situation though, is that I wont be able to make up laws to win arguments anymore... Bad times.

Anyone have any advice? Useful anecdotes? Vomit making stories? I'd love to hear it, even if it's just to take my mind off the looming BVC application accept/reject emails that will be pinging out of BVC online in less than 2 weeks time!

ps my cousin, Special K, has started her own blog! http://thespecialkgirl.blogspot.com/

Multiple Choice

I got an email today from City Law school, inviting me to a BVC open day 2 days before the accept/reject emails are sent out.

This has thrown me slightly, as I can't figure out whether this is:

(a) a good thing, because surely it would be cruel of them to invite me to an open day unless they were planning on accepting me;

(b) a bad thing because as my second choice, they will have only gotten my application if BPP have decided to reject me (is this the way it works or have I made this up?);

(c) a test. If I don't apply to go, will they reject me. (Common sense tells me that this is not how it works, but all the same, I have a suspicious mind).

(d) none of the above. I should stop speculating and let life unfold as it pleases.

I has also set my mind spinning about whether or not I want to go to CLS. Aside from the fact that it is only one initial different from CLG (positive) their part time course is no where near as appealing as the part time course at BPP. They have week night sessions rather than weekends, and the whole reason I decided I would be able to do the part time thing was because of the weekend sessions, and yet I decided to put CLS as 2nd and College of Law 3rd.

I know why I did this, it was based on all the good things the Barristers in the pub had to say about CLS, and the lack of anything positive that I've heard about CoL. This could well be because the Barristers that drink in the pub all went to CLS, and are therefore biased, and I've only met LPC-ers from CoL, so who knows whether that was a good reason to base my choice on or not.

What I am absolutely clear on now though, is that it's BPP that I want. This goes against my initial instincts completely... I thought I would absolutely hate going to another institution that feels as corporate as LSE (which the Open Evening they had proved to me that it does), but they really do offer the best deal for part timers. Even if it is the most expensive, it just seems to offer the most flexibility and support for part timers like myself. Oddly, I also found the corporate feel quite comforting. I may have hated my university for most of the time I was there, but I know I managed to do well (enough) there, and it made me feel more comfortable! Plus the Law Zombies all went off to do the LPC. Surely they wont have infiltrated the BVC, and of those that do, surely they wont be part timers like myself?

So, fingers crossed, on the 2nd March I'll get the offer I'm after. But maybe I should register for that open day...

Special K

My cousin, Special K, has been offered a place at university!!!

She will be the second person ever from our family to go to uni, and I am sooo proud of her. A few months ago she was completely disenchanted by the whole thing and decided not to bother applying. She told me that it wasn't for her, that it would be too hard and basically came up with a load of excuses to disguise the fact that she didn't feel that she was good enough. Which is ridiculous when you consider the fact that her name is Special K. That is exactly what I told her at the time, and turns out, she actually listened to me!

I am hoping that when she does go to university, she begins to realise just how cool she is. Sometimes I think she doesn't give herself enough credit, she lets other people think that they are somehow better than she is. But they really really aren't. I hope that when she goes to university she meets people that recognise how brilliant she is, and encourage her to shine.

I'm so happy that she's decided to push herself and get a degree. But I'll be making sure she has someone to talk to in case she encounters the law zombies. Presumably she wont have too much trouble with that though, because she'll be studying Media and Religious Studies... But you never know.

This post is probably a bit mushy and sentimental, but she is the only person I've told about this blog, so y'know, gotta show her love and all that.

Free to the R to the U

In line with my aim to use this year out productively, I went to a FRU training session this weekend. I loved every minute of it, even when there seemed to be sleeping students all around the place because the last guy was labouring every point. I can't wait to finish the registering process (some test left to do - eek!) so I can get stuck in!

It was a bit weird being in a lecture theatre full of law students though. At first I assumed they would all be law zombies like they were at uni, but then I realised that they seemed to be pretty normal (as normal as law students get at least). So, I decided that this was either because they were decent people willing to give up their time to represent someone in a social security tribunal; or because the law zombies are losing their cult status now that the corporate world is in a mess and city law firms aren't so keen on harvesting souls as they were 12 months ago. It could be a bit of both... or it could be neither. I'm out of touch anyway, living as I do for the time being, in the non legal world of 9-5.30.

I really wanted to volunteer with FRU while I was at uni, but for some reason (I can't remember why) I was put off from applying. It had something to do with the wording of the email that was sent around the law department advertising it, and when I read it, it said "Common Law Girl Need Not Apply as she isn't in line for a first" or something like that.... so I didn't sign up. But I REALLY wanted to, and sulked when I realised that I didn't need a 1st, and in fact my friend who wasn't in line for a first either did sign up but now it was too late. But then again, the email hadn't said "friends of CLG shouldn't apply either" so that's probably why he wasn't put off. But wow, I was jealous! Thinking about it, I shouldn't have hesitated, but you live and learn.

Anyway, as it happens, I've signed up now, and it is even better timing, because I have a family member in need. Nothing makes you feel more grown up that being able to offer a member of your family some legal advice. (Well, I'm sure there are other things, like paying bills, or giving birth, but that's not the point). My Great-Uncle has had his Disability Living Allowance stopped after receiving it for over 10 years. His condition hasn't changed and he is confused and upset that its been taken away. Finally, I'll be able to put my legal knowledge to some use, and try and see if we can figure out what's going on and what can be done about it. Finally, I can do something to help.

Aside from the usefulness of being able to help a loved one, I am so eager to be able to go and volunteer and help people with their cases and put my degree to some good use already!

Best of all, my boss is really supportive of the whole thing, because it ties really well into the work that I do. The company I work for run programmes to help people get off benefits and into sustainable employment, so learning more about the ins and outs of the social security system is practically career development from her perspective. Plus, she's just a lovely woman who is supportive of everything anyway.

So the point is, FRU is brilliant and I can't wait. Plus one of the speakers was absolutely gorgeous! He used to be a GP and is now a pupil, and was so so attractive that I think my non lawyer friends would have enjoyed his talk on medical evidence as well.

I was so inspired I had the energy for a 6 hour long rave in Bristol on Saturday night. Bristol is amazing, and if anyone ever goes there, or indeed lives there, check out Mr Wolfe's.

All in all, a day well spent :)

The Why

Hi!

So, I've finished my law degree (thank god) and I thought it would be an excellent idea to not go straight on to do the BVC, but rather take a year out and work full time and save save save! The BVC is particularly expensive afterall, and as you might guess from the blog name, I don't have any money to fall back on. Sounds sensible enough, but this is proving to be more difficult than I expected, for 2 reasons.

1. Now that I am earning money, I can't stop spending it!!! I've always budgeted with the mindset of making sure I don't spend more money than I have, and pretty much spend my last £ or so just before I get my next wage packet/student loan or whatever. But now.... I'm still doing it! The fact that I'm earning more just makes me budget for more stuff!

2. I'm out of touch. I do what I can to keep up to date with legal news, but its not easy. I've lost the daily contact with studying law that came with uni, and having other important stuff going on, like working late, drinking late and staying up all night watching Gossip Girl, it is hard to keep track.

I'm working on the money saving problem. Kind of. But this blog is hopefully going to keep me up to date with the law news stuff, because I will probably keep checking other law student blogs, and maybe they'll even discover me. At which point i'll have to "man up" as B, my flatmate would say (even tho I'm not a man) and try and look like I know important stuff by making offhand casual references to cases I looked up on wiki. :)

So that is the why. I guess I'll do the who tomorrow.