Day 1 of BVC

... was brilliant :)

All of the other PT students that I got chatting to seemed down to earth, nice friendly decent people. All of them are working as well and all of them had personalities. Not a Law Zombie in sight. Given that my experience of other law students at university was quite a negative one, this was such a relief and I'm over the moon about how nice everybody was. A few people seemed absolutely insane, commuting in for the course from the far reaches of the globe (!), and given that so many of them have families and children as well as a full time job to juggle, I don't feel nearly so hard done by with my unclear employment situation.

The course itself is exciting me no end. The only bit today that seemed a bit dreary was Civil Lit which doesn't surprise me, I'm a Crime girl at the end of the day. But even that was exciting in the sense that everything is relevant, it is all about how you actually go about being a Barrister rather than the academic studying of the law itself. It almost made me giggle a bit at one point from sheer excitement. It just seems so surreal that all of a sudden, I've started the BVC. At one point at uni I never thought I'd make it, and with all of the bad luck I've been having with work and housing, I haven't had time to worry and be nervous about it beginning, I just kind of turned up to register and there I was, in the lecture theatre starting the course!

Adults Only

I have a vague memory of being a child, possibly in some sort of tacky tourist shop whilst on holiday, and at the back of the store there was an "Adults Only" section, partitioned off from the rest of the store, that naturally made me and every other child that ever saw it desperately curious. What I have recently discovered is that within that Adults Only section of life lies misery, stress, and exploitation. I wish I'd never crossed over.

My job has, to some extent fallen through. I can still work for them, provided I'm willing to be exploited at a wage that is £10K p.a. less than I was originally offered and realistically not enough to live on (let alone pay extortionate BVC fees from). Unhelpfully, people keep pointing out to me that there is a recession, high levels of unemployment, blah blah blah. They shut up when I mention that none of the men that do the same job that I do have had their pay cut. Oh, and I'm still homeless as the wage they have offered me is too low for me to commit to the rent that I had initially been lined up to pay. And what do my parents say? "Welcome to the Adult World".

BVC starts on Thursday, completely and utterly not ready for this stage of my life to begin, and yet it is happening anyway. I don't like this Adult thing... is there a reverse gear?

Back on Track

Things appear to have worked themselves out. I had a momentary lapse of discipline and direction following my redundancy, but managed to snap out of it long enough to bag myself a new job :)

A better paid job :)

A more Pupillage-Friendly job :) :)

Best of all, I am genuinely helping people. I am working with customers who have been made redundant and have been unemployed for at least 6 months, giving them advice and guidance to help with their search for work and signing them up for free training to make them more employable. The most amazing thing is the feeling I get when I see I've genuinely helped them, and the advice that I've given them will make it easier for them to find work.

It is absolutely brilliant experience working so closely with members of the public, and every time I have a difficult customer I feel like thanking the stars for the chance to learn how to cope and provide them with meaningful support, because no matter how difficult it might be sometimes, advising a client about entering a guilty plea or whether or not to pursue custody of children during a Divorce Settlement is going to be much harder.

Waiting to hear if I've managed to secure some funding for the BVC from my provider, I'm not holding my breath but still, all my fingers and toes are crossed.

The only issue that I have now (and its actually quite a big one) is that technically I am homeless. I had to leave London after I lost my job and go back to Brum to be with the family. I had only been there a few days when I was offered my job, and in the haste to get back down here and start as soon as possible I've had to come back before finding anywhere to live. I've also lost confidence slightly in the security of a job having experienced the difficulty of losing one, and am reluctant to actually take out a tenancy on a flat until I have at least some idea of whether the job is secure. At the moment I'm completely rushed off my feet, so it seems to be fine, but I'm still being cautious for a few more weeks. So I am "sofa-surfing", moving from friend to friend and extremely appreciative of the fact that I have friends willing to put me up. Its only in a situation like this that you realise how many people there are that will support you when you need them.

CLG v The Company (2009)

Last week I was called back into the office. Even though I had been told that I wouldn't have to work my notice, the MD changed her mind and told me I had to come in, seeing as how they were paying me anyway. In response, I kicked up a bit of a fuss in my official redundancy meeting on Friday, and am now back at home, being paid for a month even though my notice period is only a week, with quite a few extras, and flowers and chocolates to boot. While I wouldn't recommend redundancy to anyone, if its going to happen, this has got to be the way to do it!

In other news, this morning I got a phone call inviting me to an interview for a job that ticks all the right boxes (pays enough, pupillage friendly, saves the world) so I'm now just swotting up on everything I can about the organisation and the job in preparation and allowing myself to hope that somehow I'm going to manage to find a new job before the money runs out.

I Will Survive

I am not beaten. I am forcing myself to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the money worries and the feeling of rejection and general "Why ME?" sentiments that are so casually floating around my mind. Instead I am acting the part of a strong willed power dressing women who is literally drenched in employability, and as a method actor, using this persona when completing job applications and during those painful days when for some reason or another I have to go into the office.

The newest dilemma however is weighing up my options. There are plenty of jobs that I could do that I have seen advertised. But not so many that will help me get pupillage. Will the fact that we are in a RECESSION be borne in mind when the next OLPAS season rolls around? Possibly not. But if I hang on too long looking for the right kind of job, well, I may be homeless, penniless and wondering the streets of London like some poor orphan in Oliver!, except without the dancing and singing and general merriment that the film promised me as a child. Also, I have actually seen a few that fit into both categories i.e. Yes I can do them and Yes they are Pupillage Friendly. However, No I couldn't pay the rent if that is all they pay. Aaaargh.

On another note, I am now an official student member of Middle Temple Inn. That's one successful application at least.

Completely Redundant

I didn't jump ship early enough. On Wednesday I was made redundant. Currently spiralling into the depths of despair while I try and figure out how exactly I am going to keep a roof over my head for the foreseeable future.

Damn. I'm going to have to send Lovely Boy down the coal mines or up a chimney or something.

Jumping Ship

I've been wondering recently whether the company I work for/job I do is really the right place for me to be. In terms of the "how does this job benefit your legal career?" question, while the answer isn't as obvious as it would be working as a paralegal, I've always known what I would need to say (Understanding of both public and private sector, understanding of client groups, commercial acumen blah blah blah...) But the reality is, I don't think that I am actually gaining or learning anything. In a rival company that is better established, this would probably have been a different story, but I'm with a start-up company made up of a team of "experts" who from what I can tell don't understand anything about organisation and management. They are all ideas people who simply haven't bothered to implement any structure into the company, and talk constantly about how successful they are going to be without doing anything to get them there. When I applied for the job I was given the impression that there would be opportunities for career progression and training and that they invested in their staff. Total bull, I've been with them for 9 months now and there is nothing. I've not had any training, and when I mentioned wanting the opportunity to develop, it was shot down. To top it all, I'm not that sure I'm any good at the job anyway, although without any guidance or feedback (despite constant requests for this) I have no way of knowing. This is all made worse by the sheer unprofessionalism of the senior team.

As people, they are lovely, and I'm glad to have met them and very happy to socialise with them, but at work I am sick of the political vying for control, the whispering, the mood swings and worst of all, the fact that the MD "restructures" every few weeks so line managers change, and responsibility for this that and the other switches hands suddenly without warning, merely based on her mood. I think in PR terms this would be known as "flexible working" but in my terms I'd say it was a pile of crap. Up until recently, I've at least managed to avoid the political games, but recently it looks like someone has dragged me in without telling me, and now I have to find out who's playing on my team and who is against me!

So, with this in mind I've been thinking about finding a new job. But I've also got to find somewhere new to live as my flatmates and I will be parting ways soon, so I was planning on sorting that first. But in the past week or so, The Company was told that it had not been successful in a bid for the Daddy of All Contracts, and so now the office is a battleground between the MD and the Shareholders who are in all likelihood planning to pull our funding. Meaning I need to find a job QUICK and jump ship before it sinks.

All this = STRESS!!!! But on a plus side, I have found a job that I would very much like to be doing instead, so I can at least channel all of this worry and desperation into writing the best application for a job the world has ever seen and pray it all works out for the best.