Pre-BVC jitters

I'm starting to get a bit nervous about the whole juggling full time work and part time BVC studies thing. Work has suddenly got wickedly busy over the past few weeks, and I can't see any sign of it slowing down. The funny thing about that is that a few weeks ago I seemed to have absolutely nothing to do and was pretty miserable due to the lack of purpose in my working existence. Now all of a sudden I'm working none stop. Last week I was in the office till 10.30 3 nights in a row, and so I was meant to be taking yesterday off, to have a lovely long bank holiday weekend. However, my work load had other plans, and instead of having an extra day off, I will be spending the whole weekend working on a document that needs to be submitted on Tuesday. Grrr.

I am a workaholic, always have been, but I'm getting very jittery about this situation. My mind is so clear about how hard I intend to work for the BVC, how hard I will need to work to get by in fact, and I'm worried I wont have the time to do it all. I don't think it is the amount of work that is worrying me too much, or even the amount of time it will all take up. I am only able to cope with a task if it requires a feat of epic proportions to get it done. Easy stuff, like packing a bag the night before I go away somewhere rather than 10 minutes before my train leaves, that stuff I can't do. But I've been pretty confident (till now) that I would be able to handle the BVC and my job, no matter how much work I have on. The reason I'm panicking though is that there is something I didn't factor in. Other people.

I am a control freak and a half. I am seriously bossy, and plan for things to go wrong way in advance, so that if they do, there is already a plan B (and C and D) in place. Figuring out my workload, and managing my time next year should in theory come naturally to me. Plus there's the fact that I've been juggling stupid amounts of work with jobs and rehearsals and partying since I was 16, and frankly, when I don't have too much to do, I fall apart a little. BUT there is the small matter of my work colleagues. They are wonderful people, and apparently they're experts in the industry and worth every penny of their inflated salaries. However, they openly acknowledge that forward planning is not their strong suit. Instead, they seem to float along hoping that everything will get done on time, which is code for put in loads and loads of hours of work at the very last moments before a deadline. Half of the time they leave me to manage myself, which works well allowing me to pace myself and ensure everything is ready on time without having to work late, but then they will spring something on me, that is far more important than whatever it is I'm currently working on , that they've been sitting on for a while and due in tomorrow. (Or Tuesday in this case). I don't mind that so much (even though I was sooo looking forwards to a nice relaxing bank holiday) and to be fair, it sounds like life as a Barrister isn't all that different, but I just don't know how I'm going to cope with it when I have studying to do!

Still, it will be something to bore my children with one day when they complain about their pocket money and I tell them to GET A JOB like I had to. Wow, I'm turning into my mother... also, is it healthy to be planning stories to bully my children with at least 10 years in advance of me actually having any?? Fun times!

Lizzie Saves the World

Whatever your opinion on the sorry state that MPs have got themselves into recently, whether you think MPs should be paid more or should be locked up for stealing the taxpayers money to clean moats and change light bulbs, I think it is pretty clear that Parliament, Government and politicians across the board are not very popular people at the moment. On the tube this morning, a thought occurred to me, and I just know there will be plenty of people out there on the blawgosphere that will be able to explain to me that this particular thought is unrealistic and ill-informed and generally a stupid idea, but I've been mulling it over in my head, and out loud in the office it has to be said, and if nothing else, I think it would be an awesome thing to see happen, even if the consequences might be a bit drastic....

As loathe as I am to admit it, I can't help thinking that David Cameron is right, and that without calling a general election asap public confidence in the political classes will never be restored. But its also pretty clear that Gordon Brown would be an absolute idiot to call an election right now. Even if he has any illusions about a return to favour for Labour in the next 12 months, he can't possibly believe he has a chance right now. So, this morning's dilemma was whether it was right that "we the people" are unable to throw our dummies out of the pram, sack the lot of them and try and start again with a fresh election. Surely, IF public opinion was so low that we did not want to be led by this group of people, the fact that we are led by them and can't do anything about it until they say so is totally against the spirit of democracy?

This led me onto my exciting train of thought which Lovely Boy told me to share with the world. So if you object to it, you can verbally abuse him rather than me ok?!........

What if the Queen, fed up with the lot of them and in recognition of the will of her people to not be led by this parliament, were to pop over to Westminster Palace, knock on the door so she isn't breaking any rules, glide into the House of Commons and just pick up the Mace, walk out again and announce a General Election at the earliest opportunity? In public law, our lecturer constantly stressed to us that the Queen does still have Sovereign status, and that basically this was because everybody is far too polite and non-confrontational to take it away from her. But in my mind, I've always chosen to see her role as an insurance policy against corruption and fascism, and Parliament are an insurance policy against absolutism and guardians of democracy because if she did anything untoward, they have the status of elected representatives of the people, and she shouldn't mess with that if she wants to keep her pretty crowns, dresses and face on our money. However, if the situation were so bad that it was clear the public did not want to be led by this parliament, wouldn't that therefore mean it is her right, if not her duty, to dissolve them and call for a fresh election?

Hundreds of arguments for and against, I know, but still, is this even technically possible? I can't help thinking that if it isn't, what system do we have in place that would force an election, if the majority party leader wont call one? I'm not suggesting that the current situation is anywhere near this serious, but I do very much like the idea of Her Majesty, tiny old lady that she is, giving them all a good telling off and sacking them for the good of the country. Monarchy doesn't really suit my personal left wing view of the world, but if you're going to have a Monarch, then you may as well do it properly, and see them flex their political muscles once in a while. Something to tell the Grand kids about at least, and considering her Great Great Grandmother was an Empress, surely she must have a bit of a yearning to do something impressive before she's done?

23 is a difficult number to swallow, unless washed down with a drink.

I've been away from the blog for a while and alcohol has been the cause... While everyone else has been doing battle and waging war against the pupillage portal, I have been making the most of my first Spring in about 11 years without the dread of looming exams, and unable to apply for pupillage until next year, safe in the knowledge that there is nothing else I could be doing but drinking and sitting in the sunshine.

First I was dragged northwards to Blackpool for a chav-tastic weekend away to celebrate my mother's continued commitment to grow old disgracefully. With Osteoporosis to boot, she partied the weekend away with an army of her favourite lesbians, and not one to be out done by an old lady, I was forced to match her drink for drink and dance for dance.

A week later, my own birthday. Age is a sensitive subject for the whole world it would seem, and I am aware that panicking about 23 might seem a bit much to those people that took it in their stride and are instead dealing with much much scarier numbers, however, indulge me. I thought I was prepared, I thought I was ready and had accepted it. In fact, I had been telling people I was 23 since February. But when it happened, it turned out that I was not in fact ready to leave 22 behind, and instead I would rather the whole concept of age, numbers and mathematics no longer existed. I was so upset I kicked a post box, as a symbol of the capitalist regime that has forced the concept of age into my life. It hurt my foot and Lovely Boy carried me home.

I did at least manage to squeeze every last drop of birthday celebratory possibilities into the ensuing week, with binge drinking in both Birmingham and London, 3 birthday cakes on separate days, smoking for the very first time and almost causing a riot on the night bus home. The rioting and the smoking was caused by my (very) vocal realisation that 23 is really old and I will probably die soon. Apparently the 29 year old man I had struck up this topic of conversation with was not entirely impressed by my existential dilemma.

After this level of liver damage, I probably should have stopped, but I continued along the theme and went drinking with my line manager. The biggest mistake to date, I finally admitted defeat the next day when I couldn't get the tube for fear of vomiting on somebodies nicely polished work shoes. I have since refrained from excessive alcohol consumption, and am aiming to do so for quite some time.

I haven't completely abandoned the legal aspirations in favour of drink. I still managed to make it to the Student Open Day at Matrix chambers, which was very useful, informative and changed my mind a lot about what a career at the bar should look like. I really liked their non-specialised approach, and the corporate feel of the place fitted well with everything drummed into me at the office about brand and identity. One of the most useful parts of the day surrounded what they were looking for in pupillage applications, but given that the OLPAS deadline has now gone, I will save that post for another day when it wont cause distress to those that have already pressed submit and are now checking their progress for updates every ten minutes. I should say though that I took notes fully intending to post them asap but got waylaid by work/Lovely boy/beautiful weather and completely forgot that the deadline was so soon. I'm really sorry :( But I hope everybody is faring well and holding their nerve.

The one thing about the day at Matrix that really sent a message home to me though? The fact that I knew one of the Barristers who were tasked with "mingling"(is that how you spell that word?) from the pub. Oh dear...

Fancy a Quickie?

I've been away for a while. It's not my fault, I had a birthday and much drinking ensued. I then had a bit of a 1/4 life crisis at the realisation that I am gaining age (and weight) and have been on a bit of an exercise drive (walking). Lovely Boy is home for good, and well, his loveliness is highly distracting! I am ashamed to admit that I have allowed a boy to distract me from my own self-indulgent blogging...

However, by quickly tapping down this love note to you all, I promise to blog again before tomorrow morning (so once I've left the office, arrived home and instructed Lovely Boy to prepare a meal for me).

I didn't completely desert, I've been reading everybody else's posts during my lunch break almost every day! So, quickie time over, I'll be back for a long and passionate embrace in a few hours.

Networking

I have done some soul searching recently and realised that I have been holding myself back. I've been adamant that I will find a way to pay my own way through bar school, support myself completely and not owe my eventual success (positive thinking) to anyone but myself. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that attitude, except that I've been letting this determination get in the way of taking up opportunities that will help me when they present themselves. Where people have offered to help me I've turned them down. A family friend offered to pay my BVC deposit as a Birthday Present and I said no. I drink with a number of Barristers on a weekly basis and I have never once asked them to help me with work experience or CV advice or anything else because it feels a bit like begging.

Part of it has been my not wanting to be hypocritical. I go on and on at length about the advantages placed at the feet of rich kids who know all the right people etc etc, so to use my own networks surely isn't much better than that? But really, I've just been being too proud to ask for help. I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing, not just in the sense that I'm from a poor background, but also because I don't have the nicest mother in the world, and she has always tried to take my achievements away from me and make out that I owe her something because I did well at school. So I have a bit of a fear that if I accept help from somebody, in 10 years time, it will come back to haunt me.

On Friday, I finally saw sense. Barristers are self-employed. You are a "business", and there is nothing wrong in my mind in making use of networks for business opportunities. I do it everyday in my 9-5 job and it is what gives our company an edge over the competition. So I have decided to try and let go of this particular hang up, because the reality is it doesn't make a difference to anyone but myself whether or not I accept the help of others.

Within hours of making this decision, I have been able to arrange a mini-pupillage and a week's marshalling and got some advice about my CV. So from where I'm sitting, not a bad decision. If it is hypocritical, and I'm not sure it really is, at least I've not been paying Oxbridge Law to apply for pupillage for me! That would be hypocritical, and very very sad.

On another note, in my last post I mentioned that I wouldn't be posting for a while as Lovely Boy is staying with me and I wanted to keep the blog a secret... I failed miserably, caving in to him yesterday. He's so stuck on which GDL provider to go with (he has a choice between BPP, CoL and Kaplan), and I've been giving him advice based on what I've read from other blogs, which has confused him because he had no idea where it was all coming from. Plus I just can't keep secrets and was desperate to tell him as soon as I clapped eyes on him! I'm so weak!! If anyone has any advice for me to pass onto him, please drop me a comment. I'm sure he'll start reading this blog now to check up on the horrible things I have to say about him anyway, so he'll definitely get it.

OLPhew!

It has been hard not to notice that there are one or two (thousand) stressed out wannabe Barristers stressing themselves into heavy drinking thanks to the return of the OLPAS season. I am so grateful that this year at least, there is nothing on OLPAS that I can apply for. I had a quick look to check, as the theory is that you can apply for the 2011/12 session as well, but the handful of chambers (by that I mean literally 5) that offer that option are all commercial sets that are just not my scene. So I am spared for one last year before the madness sets in. For those of you going through hell at the moment though, good luck! I hope you get the pupillage of your dreams. This year. So you wont be competing with me next year.

I'm in a play at the moment, which is very exciting. It's been over a year since I was in a play and I'm loving it! It is also keeping me going now that I am back in the office after my mini pupillage. Work is so uninspiring in comparison. But, working hard and earning money will help me to get to the Bar so I've got to keep at it. Eugh.

Lovely Boy is returning to the nest for a few weeks tomorrow. He's been away for some time now, and I'm not sure how long he will be staying. I'm really excited about seeing him, but it does mean that I may have difficulty posting for a while as he will no doubt take up most of my free attention. More importantly, he doesn't know about this blog. I don't want him to know about it either, mainly for anonymity's sake but also because as much as I love him, cherish him and hope live happily ever after with him, it's really refreshing to have something in my life that he knows nothing about. So basically I wont be posting while he is around. Try not to miss me too much... :p

My mini adventure

I've been on a mini-pupillage this week. My first mini-pupillage in fact, and frankly I've had the time of my life. I'm with a Criminal set based in central London, but all week so far I've been following a trial in a London court.

My mini-pupil master is a lovely guy who has included me as much as he could, and I really felt involved with the case, but more importantly he and the counsel for Prosecution both had a lot of time for me once the court day was over. Yesterday the three of us went for a drink and we had a really good time, they passed on horror stories and advice in equal measure and generally made me feel welcome.

I had the added bonus of being a close friend of the Landlord of the pub where his chambers tend to drink, meaning that we already had a common social ground on which to talk about, and I think that this helped me a lot. It made our relationship a bit more friendly, allowed a bit of banter and we had a laugh. That wasn't what I was expecting from the week, but it is definitely not something I'd complain about.

The case that he was working on was a short trial, which meant that I got to see a whole trial from start to finish in the space of 4 days. It was brilliant seeing all the different stages, from examination in chief to cross examination, closing speeches and the jury delivering a verdict. As I was watching the Barristers do their thing, I considered each bit and tried to imagine myself filling their role. Some of the time I thought "Woop woop! I could do that!" particularly the closing speeches, where they both got a bit theatrical it had to be said. At other points though, I couldn't imagine myself being able to do it. When the prosecution counsel was cross examining the defendant, she was clearly trying to get him to lose his temper and show the jury his aggressive character, but even knowing she wanted that to happen, I just thought "I would not be able to cope if I were her and he does lose it!". I spoke to her about it, and she assured me that it is something you get used to, and that as I've thrown men out of pubs before, I'll probably be able to handle myself, but all the same, I was in awe of her.

Best of all though, I was chatting to one of the security guards and he gave me the best compliment ever:
"yeah, I've gotta be honest, you do have that Barrister look about you, I reckon you'll go far."

I LOVE THAT MAN.