Pupil Paranoia

I'm now 7 weeks in to pupillage and for the most part it all seems to be going surprisingly well.  I say surprisingly because I regularly find myself in the grips of an hitherto unknown evil: "Pupil Paranoia".  This beast casually drapes itself over your shoulder whispering poison into your ears, spreading doubt into your mind and keeping you awake at night.  

A mild example can be a sinking feeling of letting a tenant down because you don't have any spare post-it notes knocking about, or catastrophising about an inability to translate a document from German into English despite my only contact with the German language being the consumption of jaegermeister in Stuttgart one weekend two years ago.  

More prominent bouts of pupil paranoia oddly occur when receiving compliments or praise.  Firstly, how do I respond to a compliment?  Gushing with thanks for the appreciation is, well, embarrassing for all involved; self-deprecating refusal to accept that you've done well or deflecting by saying "well I had help from so and so..." is counter-productive; accepting the praise outright as though it were nothing is rude and arrogant... and anything in-between is likely to cause sleepless nights while the beast whispers in your ear that you now need to analyse their reaction to how you behaved, did they raise their eyebrow when you thanked them for saying so?  did they think you were taking the piss a bit when you asked them to let your supervisor know?  The next stage is pulling apart the exact words they said and the beast manages to twist them into double meanings, backhanded comments, thinly veiled sarcasm, the lot.  

Over the last week I have been told that I'm doing very well and have made a good impression.  Great right?  Wrong.  I'll tell you what has been running through my mind: 

"Oh dear, if that person thinks I'm doing well, then maybe so and so wont like me because yesterday they had a falling out over whether or not the window in their room should be open or closed... and anyway, all I did was put a jury bundle together for them, what if that is all I'm good for?...maybe he is just saying that because he knows someone else disagrees and he is trying to reassure me because he is basically just a nice guy... or maybe I come across as needing a confidence boost, I don't want people to think I'm not confident in myself... and I must make sure that he doesn't think that praise has gone to my head so I better think of a way to make it clear that it hasn't...etc etc etc."

IT IS UTTER MADNESS.

As with most problems I have discovered that the best way to subdue this creature is through a regular medicinal intake of gin and tonic.  It works a treat until the next morning.

2012: A Pupil Odyssey

Hello again! I'm now three weeks into pupillage and thought maybe, just maybe, I finally have something to blog about that is worth reading.  I wanted to write a post because three weeks ago I had absolutely no idea what awaited me on the other side of the door to chambers, and now, well I still have no idea what awaits me from day to day but I can at least confirm that the members of chambers that I have met so far do not have scales, tentacles or webbed feet.  In fact, I am having an amazing time.

I am happy.  Not just oh-I'm-really-pleased-it-is-going-well kind of happy, but genuinely never-been-happier-with-anything-in-my-life happy.  If ever I had time to see them, I'm sure my friends and family would  agree that they've never seen me quite like this.  I'm telling you all this because you need to know - pupillage is hard work, but it isn't the horrific terror that some people make it out to be. Well, not for me anyway.  I had a bit of a nagging fear in that back of my mind that I might have spent all this time and all that money on chasing something that I would hate, but now I know - I am actually doing something that I want to do.  Since I was 16 I have been working in jobs that I had to do to get by, to pay rent/bills/school fees etc; and finally, 10 years later, I'm actually doing the work that I've been aiming for for all this time.

There is one other pupil who started on the same day as me.  We have become fast friends.  That is another myth that I want to dispel - the other pupil(s) are not the enemy; unless they treat you like you are the enemy of course, in which case wear a stab vest under your shirt at all times and sleep with one eye open... but luckily the other pupil (TOP) and I are getting on really well.   As far as I am concerned there is no need to add to the stress and pressure of trying to impress the tenants in chambers by also having a rivalry with another pupil to contend with.  It is much nicer to have an ally that you can talk to when you are panicking about calling a silk by the wrong name, or you just gave a white coffee to a tenant who is lactose intolerant.   

I have a brilliant pupil-supervisor.  I speak to him every day and see him every few days, but he is also giving me space to spend time with and do work for the other members of chambers, which is so valuable because when it is eventually time for the tenancy decision every member of chambers has a vote.  Also I've been able to spend some time doing some work on family cases as well as crime so I've been able to keep that interest alive and in focus which is great.

So far I haven't been completely overworked; there have been a few evenings when I've been up late finishing off some work, but on other evenings I've been able to come home (admittedly later than I'm used to), stick the kettle on and catch my breath.  Nothing that I have been asked to do has been something I've not known how to do; and so far so good - I've had great feedback.

Before I started I ran around worrying about what I would need to buy in preparation.  I don't have everything I could do with, but here is a shopping list of things I would suggest a potential pupil might want to have if you have an unlimited budget:

• Wig, Gown and  x3 collarette/tabs - my supervisor expects me to wear them whenever I am in the Crown Court.  That isn't the case for all pupil supervisors but I'm glad I already had them!
• Spray on starch - A god-send.  When you stick a collarette in the washing machine it emerges incredibly wrinkled; and I'm not kidding about that-  it is almost unrecognisable!  Normal ironing just doesn't get those wrinkles out, and I stressed so much about this! But a court clerk tipped me off about spray on starch, which you use just before you iron it and it makes a massive difference.
• Contract mobile phone - I'm assuming most people have these already, but I don't think pay as you go will cut it - running out of credit in the middle of a call to a member of chambers isn't going to give the right impression.
• At least 3 different suits - I am finding it impossible to do any laundry mid-week because there simply isn't time and also because I live in a flat and the neighbours in the flat downstairs probably wouldn't appreciate my washing machine banging away at 11:30 in the evening.
• A change of shoes - Girls, wear heels in court and in chambers (let's face it they give you a confidence boost and look great with the wig and gown),  but have a pair of flats to keep up with your supervisor when you are travelling across London.  It is not good to keep them waiting while you hobble along behind them at half the speed.  Even if you are completely used to wearing them, you can always walk faster in flat shoes.  Also, make sure the alternative shoes are sturdy and waterproof because you will wear them a lot and it will rain a lot.
• A laptop with DVD playing facilities - the lighter the better, but you need a disc drive so that you can play CCTV discs etc.
• Some form of Tablet that has 3G connection - I have the laptop, but what I don't have is a tablet. If I could afford one I would snap one up straight away because one thing I have discovered is that when you are waiting around in court for a matter to be called on, it is incredibly frustrating to know there is other work that you could be doing if only you had access to the Internet.  I think most Crown Courts in London have BT Open Zone WiFi, but you have to pay to access it and it is a bit hit and miss.  
• Counsel notebooks, pens, highlighters, post-it tabs - Kind of obvious, but the highlighters and the post-it tabs are surprisingly important.
• A waterproof pull along suitcase - To pull along all of the above! The most important word is waterproof.  When I bought mine the lady that sold it to me insisted that I get a hard-top suitcase, rather than a cloth based one.  It hadn't even occurred to me but we've had so much rain over the last few days I keep thinking how lucky it was that I has such a helpful and sensible saleswoman helping me!
• A zone 1-5 season ticket on your oyster card - You have to travel a lot. There is no cheaper way to do it.

What you might notice is missing from the above is an Archbold/Blackstones: There is no need for this during your first six.  I had been saving up some money to buy one when the time came but I have access to Archbold through Chambers' Westlaw account and if I need Blackstones I can just go to the library.

I wont make any promises, but hopefully I'll be able to post again soon.